Wasting Time

So AF came on 12 dpiui this time. I thought since I got past day 10 I was good. Obviously not the case. AF came when we were BDing. Then when I went for Beta on the 5th I had a large follicle so I have to sit out this cycle. So I'm waiting until Sept 5th or until AF comes to start the next cycle. The nurse practitioner was going to increase my Follistim to 75 this time so maybe that will work next time.
DH also went and got me the IR diet plan book. I thought that was really sweet of him. I just need to find time to read it now.
I also started my PT job to help out with some things and to take away some financial stress from us. Its not bad, just waitressing a few nights a week. We'll see how it goes, I might only stay until christmas or as DH says until I get pregnant. ( I think this is just wishful thinking on his part.)

3dpiui...

Okay so its 3 days since IUI and I POAS tonight to see if I still had HCG in my system. Only got one line. This seems early since I have read (somewhere) online that it can take up to 10 days. I guess its not that bad since its 5 days from the trigger. I keep forgetting to take my second dose of the progesterone suppositories. Tonight I finally got in my second dose. I am worried that this cycle is not going to work due to my stress level again. It seems that all hell always breaks loose the week of my IUI. It NEVER fails. So looks like I am almost one week down of my 2ww. (at least the way i am thinking bc I usually get AF day 9 or 10dpiui, so that would be next thursday/friday spotting). So next friday we'll see if AF rears her ugly head.
xoxoxo

2nd day of IUI

So IUI #2 of #4 was completed today. 20 million with 98%motility. yesterday was 15 million with 97% motility.. and only one follie. Hopefully this will be enough. I did the Ovidrel trigger at 6:15Pm. Also I should note that I might have messed up the last cycle b/c I took my ovidrel and another dose of Folistim the night before the IUI. This time when I received my phone call I asked if I was suppose to do my Ovidrel and my Follistim or just my Ovidrel. The nurse was very nice and was like "Noooooo, only the Ovidrel". So I am guessing that this was a No-No. So this time I only did the Ovidrel. LOL.
I test on August 5th so I am officially in the 2ww. I also was wondering if the Ovidrel even worked in me and wondered what a BFP looked like so tonight I came home and POAS and it didnt change for like EVER. I threw it away, came back and happened to look at it and it was BFP. So for whatever it was worth it made me happy to know at least my body is capable of carrying any amount of HCG. I know this sounds crazy but it makes me feel better for some reason.

4th IUI scheduled for tomorrow

Okay so I have been so busy that I have not been able to log on to update my page.
IUI #4 is scheduled for tomorrow morning. We did 58.3 of Follistim this time. Only one egg on the left side. Drop off is in the a.m at 8 and then we have to be back at 9 for insemination. We will do Monday and Tuesday back to back.
other updates: I am all moved in to my new office. YAY !!! The oven and refrigerator both were fixed last week but the air conditioning is NOT fixed and the house feels like hell. Also the washer machine broke so I scheduled a maintenance call.. of course he cant come out until next friday. GRRRR

AF in full force

Okay so AF in full force. Called dr's office and I have an appt for tomorrow at 8:15 to do baseline (blood work and ultrasound). I think that we might do this cycle on our own and pick up again next month since I would have to pay for the medicine out of pocket. Was thinking that I could work out at the gym this month and pamper myself and then get back on the horse next month. I mean whats 4 weeks of trying on my own... i mean I do have leftover clomid so maybe I will still take that days 3-7 and then BD over the next week after and just see what happens.... would appreciate anyone's thougts on this. ohhh, also i know two girls that went to a clinic in annapolis, Md. it guarantees or money back.. both got pregnant. The one lady i know has also been trying for years. I love my clinic though and really dont think I should make a change just yet... I've only been there since October and this was only my 3rd iui. Again.. any advice welcome.

9 dpiui and spotting

So the 9th was 9 days past IUI and I started spotting, on the 10th it lightened up but by today day 11dpiui I'm at full flow. I called the dr's office and awaiting the baseline appointment. I haven't reached the sad stage yet... still angry. Not sure if I'm going to do this cycle or not as my cobra benefits are not active so I dont even know if I can afford the medication at this point. Waiting until the doctor calls me back. =(

8dpiui and Sharp Pains

So last night I had sharp stabbing pains in my right side. It came suddenly lasted about 10-15 seconds each time and then passed. Some pain on my left but not as sharp. This is not cramping like normal (for me). tonight I also had more sharp pains, didnt want to bother my RE so i called my referring OBGYN. I got the no call doctor who was not helpful she told me to wait until tomorrow and the thought of a tubal rupture came to mind. So kinda nervous b/c I know my tubes are not completely "open". Also i went to fill my script of the prometrium and discovered that my last employer already terminated my insurance so that really pissed me off b/c i thought that I would have had until July 30th. Also waiting for the 10th because that will be 10 days from IUI and usually I start spotting so anxious to see if I will get AF this cycle too. Keeping the faith until then... and gonna call the doctors tomorrow =)

A Relaxing Sunday

So our A/C, oven and refrigerator all broke this week. We've had repair people out and apparently all the parts will be under warranty however, we have to wait until the parts come in for each to be fully repaired. We purchased fans for the bedroom but the rest of the house is horribly hot. I didnt want to purchase too many b/c I think its just a waste of money if it gets repaired on Monday. (hopefully). DH and I spent time together on friday and then we went out with some of my girlfriends for one of my friends birthday. It was really nice.. of course i was DD but that was okay it was just nice to be out and spending time with friends. The rest of my weekend ws spent cleaning and relaxing. As far as physically I cant really complain. My breasts are super super tender, CM seems to have lightened up. Some cramping and I'm tired but overall nothing out of the norm since I'm taking Prometrium.
Monday is our first year anniversary so I am excited about that !!!! and then 8 more days until my first beta. I think I might really want until the test and NOT poas. We'll see. I just dont know if I can take seeing only one line again.
Hope everyone else also had a fun and relaxing weekend.

Another Day...

So today was my last day at work.. at least full time. Since I oversee 8 companies they are having a hard time transitioning my job duties to others so I said if they needed help I would go back from time to time as needed. My staff had a luncheon yesterday and today for me and it was really nice. I got flowers and cards and it really was very touching to hear how I impacted some of them on a personal level. It was humbling and satisfying... I will miss them much. but the job LITTLE. it was more stressful then hostage negotiations and probably as painful.
DH: getting on my nerves. We havent really spent any time together this week and I guess with hormones and feeling insecure with the job change and baby stuff and... did I say hormones.. well if I was a praying mantis i would've bit his head off. GRRRRR
As for me.. doing okay. Breasts still tender.. more CM (sorry TMI).. sometimes have to wonder if I'm gonna bleed but then nope just CM. Other then that nothing to report. I really have been so busy I havent been able to agonize over it. Taking Prometrium 200 mg 2x's a day to keep up P4 level. It hasnt given me any horrible side effects (minus the breasts and a good nights sleep).
Will report more over the weekend. Hope everyone has a Wonderful 4th. Baby dust to all..

Day 1 of 2ww

Today I was swamped at work so i really was not able to have my mind drift off into pregnancy abyss. Took 200 mg of Prometrium last night ( I hate the suppositories). Breasts are slightly tender but nothing too noticeable. Tummy is also tender. No cramping. Kinda odd since I had cramping with my first two. In fact, I feel fine and like... nothing happened. Which is kind of okay as I am trying to relax this 2ww. I studied and worked on school work tonight. I officially have 2 weeks from today until the beta so I will try to stay sane until then. Thanks for the comments bigmouthmom & Amy. It nice to know someone is out there. Wishing you both many blessings.

2nd day of IUI #3

Just got back from the dr.'s. It went okay we had 17 million. They did not mention the motility prior to the "wash". DH grabbed breakfast again in between and had only a short wait again today. My favorite nurse practitioner performed todays IUI. She is really personable and my husband and her always joke so it provides some comic relief to me. She also had a little trouble finding my cervix today so I am hoping the placement was good. Our first beta is scheduled for July 15th so I am officially in the 2ww.

IUI #3 in process

DH and I got to the dr's late today.. he proceeded back to "the room". Gave his specimen, collected me from the waiting room and we went to a restaurant close by for breakfast. Of course as I'm eating my eggs I am wondering about how many sperm just might be getting "washed". Half an hour later we finished up, returned to the doctors office and waited. The wait was not that long today (last time we waited for quite some time)--in fact not long at all. DH and I proceeded to examination room #1 and I promptly assumed the position. Another doctor is covering for my doctor, however, he was super nice and very gentle. he also took time before the IUI and explained the number of sperm (i forget) and the motility was only 37% and the sperm injected after was a little over 10 million. This was the first time that anyone has given us the pre and post numbers. DH and I both really liked this. He also was very gentle with the procedure and had to first switch speculums (sp?) to get a better view and then was going to switch the catheter but then he was able to get through my cervix. Waited our 15 minutes and we made the trek home. I went straight to bed and slept for a few hours. I got up later and worked on my school paper from 2-11:30PM. Sitting in bed now and ready for the next IUI tomorrow morning.
P.S. DH and I both talked for a little before bed tonight and both wandered if the last IUI did not work last time because we dont think the last doctor took the time to get through my cervix. I was super sick when I came home last time and it was horribly painful.

24 hours until IUI #3

DH and I went to the drs. this morning to find that both follicles were mature enough. They will call later to let us know when the IUI will be but the Dr. thought it would be Sunday and Monday mornings. He said 95% sure. By the time we pulled up in the driveway they were calling to advise that it would in fact be tomorrow and Monday morning. I spent a relaxing day at the beach catching up with and old friend and then the evening was spent cleaning up our bedroom to keep my mind busy. Truth be told I am nervous about IUI #3 and very anxious for it to work. This is getter harder on me and DH. Well will post tomorrow when I get back from the Doctors.

IUI #3 with Follistim and Metformin

Okay so the blood test (beta) was BFN. Not a surprise. So the doctors office will be calling in 600 mg of Follistim to be taken as: 50 mg a night for 10 nights. They will alter the dosage depending on how the follicles are growing. Next appt set for today 6/25/08. Oh, by the way, the Follistim is a home injection that you give yourself in the tummy. doesnt hurt or bother me at ALL. DH sometimes helps with it.

6/25/08: Went to dr's this am (9:15) had two follicles. One on each side. Left ovary was hard to see. (this was the first "uncomfortable" vaginal ultrasound I had) . Each follicle measured about 13mm. DH wants to go out of town this weekend so if they grow at average (2mm per day) IUI should be on Monday & Tuesday.. maybe Sunday and Monday. But he would be able to go Friday and Saturday and come home early Sunday? (Boys weekend) Well we'll see how it goes...Ovaries apparently do not brake for boys weekend.

6/27/08: Dr's appt (8:15am). Still two follicles. One on each side. Surprise Surprise they are measuring 19mm. Out goes the 2mm per day theory for me. DH was happy but laughed that everytime he plans to go away he has to cancel. He still might go though. I told him I would call as soon as we get the bloodwork results later today.
11:42am: Drs office called. Have to go back tomorrow for more blood work and another ultrasound. Maybe IUI will be Sunday and Monday? In the midst of all of this DH and I had some "relationship issues" that made me question continuing on the fertility trail. I also am in between changing jobs. (well leaving a job and opening my own practice). I know this probably sounds crazy to do so much with the fertility stuff and life stuff but my life cant stop b/c of the fertility stuff and I think it actually keeps some sane. So I'm learning to juggle. The new job will also be a break as running someone else practice is truly backbreaking work. So while it seems like a lot I imagine that it will be a stress reliever. After the doctors tomorrow I am planning a day at the beach with an old friend and then school work tomorrow night ( yes, in school too. I am finishing an MBA program). I will update tomorrow evening with the follicle size and planned date of IUI.

Up to Now...

So up until tonight I have never created my own blog to express my feelings about being... being.. being.. infertile (there I said it). so since I said it, it now makes it real. So I am infertile and this is something that I never thought would even be a problem. I mean in health class it was an "insert here" process, right? And besides wasn't infertility for women in their 40's?
Unfortunately, the answer to both of those questions is "NO!". Such is not the case. So I find myself at age 29 married to a wonderful man who is my best friend, age 25 and unable to conceive naturally. I have been on clomid on and off, monitored and unmonitored for 3 years.
I also take metformin 500 mg 3 times a day, a prenatal vitamin, and a FAB tablet. It seems that I cant get pregnant, and then when I do get pregnant I dont stay pregnant (early m/c's), so here I am on the evening of my second IUI "I'm sorry Mrs. Reproductivey Challenged the results were negative" I am blogging to release all the sadness.
The first IUI was in January, was sure AF was coming b/c I was bleeding heavy, turns out I WAS pregnant. However, the HCG and Progesterone were low. Doctors increased the progesterone and HCG went up some but did not double. After three days we discontinued the Progesterone and miscarried naturally. The m/c went into February so no cycle in February. Didn't get a cycle March, April (even took Prometrium in April to get cycle), and May. End of May it looks like I have 3 follicles so use Ovidrel Trigger and do back to back IUI's on June 6 and 7th. 3 follicles and 50 million sperm.... sounds good. Thoughts of triplets and twins danced in my head. Turns out I couldn't even create one little blastocyst let alone two or three. I started spotting on the 17th, it was very faint pink. The 18th more spotting but very light. Again pinkish mixed with white cm. this would be 11dpiui. I researched implantation spotting feverishly all over the internet. My bleeding matched up to what would seem like implantation spotting. I still had some hope. One internet site stated that bleeding is not uncommon with multiples, so I mean this must have been my problem, right? Another site stated that if you have implantation bleeding later it correlates with a higher rate of miscarriage.. Damn It !!! Why did I keep on googling information to give me hope. This just stomped on some hope. I decided to block this out and hold onto hope. Hope floats, right?
But then today I get the news that the results are negative. Fortunately, I set up an injectables consult also for today so that if it was a bust I had something to give me hope. So the nurse practitioner goes over the new instructions for the Follistim injections. Looks like I'll beginning these in a few days.. Oh, and the spotting that caused me to feel barren and worthless has subsided. Isnt that ironic. It comes, makes me struggle to find signs of hope and then after i get my BFN it vanishes. AF doesnt even come full flow so that I can jump into the next cycle. Waiting for AF and the IUI#3..... still at infertility's door.
P.S. for those of you who are wondering of course curiousity got the best of me. I began POAS at 10 dpiui. It was BFN the whole time. So what I do know is that the trigger was out of my system at that time.